pull me out from inside

There is so much inside that seems like it is trying to force it's way out.

Most of it involves tears.

So much about so many things.

I think I am scared of the terrifyingness of life.

Ironic.


music: "I'm Not Sleeping" -- Counting Crows

unseen

So, I thought my back was sore today just from the sheer amount of use that it has been getting lately... And then I remembered when I woke up from my nap that I had stood up in one of the trucks at FedEx right into the bottom of a metal shelf. Yeah. Kinda hurt. But what are ya gonna do? Just gotta walk it off, right? Right. So that's what I did.

Possibly more coming in the next couple of days. Or maybe next week sometime. I'll let ya know... :(


"Arms Of A Woman" -- Amos Lee

the click five

So, I'm beginning to wish that I wasn't so vague as I am at times... This is coming from reading some of my old entries from a year or more ago and not being able to remember what I was talking about in my vague ramblings. Oops. I guess sometimes I just needed to get the general feelings out and wasn't so concerned about the actual events. Although, now it would sure be nice to know some of the actual events as well. Oh well.

I realize I really haven't said a whole lot on here in the last few months. Guess I have been spending a good deal of my time that I have been away from work on the phone with a certain 5'11" red-head... :) And, at least up through a week ago, I'd been spending a good deal of the rest of my time either at work or sleeping.

But my regular job is rather sketchy, to say the least, lately. So time spent working has been greatly reduced in the last week. Time spent looking for work has been greatly increased. There are a couple possibilities out there right now, just need to figure out if they are things that I shoud do or not. And the possibilities that I have been finding job postings for and emailing my resume in to...I haven't heard back from. Which is always fun.

But enough about the job...seems like that is just the trend right now... And I do still have a job at least. Just not really a whole lot to do there most days.

The weather is finally getting colder. At least for a couple of days. And it is actually supposed to snow up in the mountains tonightish, it sounds like. Now if we could just get some of that snow down here. Which reminds me...I should've checked to see if my sandbags are still in my parent's garage or if I need to get new ones for this winter. I don't think I actually ever put them in my truck last year. Probably not the best of ideas, as I did end up facing the wrong way a few times on the little side street that our office is on. But it's a curvy road and sometimes I just forget that I shouldn't be so forceful on the gas pedal when the ground is icy...

And...I think that may be all for now. Time to go read H.P. again...only 3 and a half books left this time around and then I think I may actually try to find something new to read. Or just reread some Shakespeare or Dickens. Yeah, that actually sounds like a good idea.


music: "Trouble" -- Ray LaMontagne

you and i

mood: pure contentment and joy

mama don't come

Well, I guess seen as how I am the one who hasn't been up to see Mama for the past three weeks...it would more accurately be "me" who don't come. Wow, that is just a picture of bad grammar right there. :)

So, it's been like a month. Lots has happened. Most of it work. Last week may have been the second most hours worked in a week by myself. Somewhere in the low seventies... Not too bad except for the fact that I sorta got sick somewhere in there. But I think I am turning the corner on that now. Or at least am standing on the corner. But I really would like to be all the way turned and down the next block by this weekend, as I am making a trip to see Shannon! Just a little excited about this!!! Ok, so maybe like REALLY excited. But it's getting close to two months from the last time I was able to stop there on my way to/from MN. Just way too long to be separated from someone you love. But Friday I am picking up her best friend here in CO and mini road-tripping it to Nebrasky for the weekend.

Other than that, just lots of late nights and busy weeks. Pretty much the norm for me. Just been getting to talk more than normal, so not as many words left over in my quota for the days to write on here much... :)

Going to get some sleep now. Ooh, still need to make that list. Well, it can wait for tomorrow night...


music: Robert Francis (he opened at one of the concerts I went to this spring, pretty decent)

blue eyes crying in the rain

So. It's just shy of a month since I've posted. I know, I know. There are those of you out there that had grown accustomed to using this blog (or at least the old one) as an excuse to fill in some time at the office when you just didn't want to work, and I've let you down. There are probaby even some who have quit checking in entirely so you won't ever even know that I started writing again, finally... But in my defense, I've been a little on the busy side of things and I have a little voice in the back of my head telling me to go to bed earlier and take better care of myself. And I've actually been trying to listen.

But really, life has been sota crazy lately. And then I finally had a weekend pretty much devoid of work (for once) and I went on what some would call "a Ken Kleven special"...which translates into a 17 mile hike in the mountains. Yeah... And now that it's Tuesday night and I feel recovered from that, I am going to resume running tomorrow morning at 6am. :)

But really, this whole trying to take better care of myself thing is good. I feel better already, and really it is a more enjoyable way to live. Usually...

So, without getting into well, anything, that I had intended to write about, I am going to stop for the night and get some sleep.

"Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!" -- Charles Dickens


music: "Annie" -- Safetysuit

2 in a row!?

Yes, you are reading that correctly. Two wins in a row. Bringing the season total to three! I know, I know...that stil leaves two fingers on one hand free, not to mention an entire of the other hand. And this was the last game of the season. But there is a tourney next week, with a potential of 4 games to win! But regaurdless...three wins for this team is pretty decent. And three other games, in back-to-back-to-back weeks, that were lost by a total of four runs. So I'm pretty excited about our chances next week. Think we have a definite shot at making a run for the trophy!

More importantly, I am slowly figuring out how to live with myself again actually having to figure out what to do with "free time". I tell you, NEVER say that you aren't going to do anything anymore and expect God to just let it slide. I think He is having Himself a good chuckle with me right now. As far as me saying I wasn't going to do long-distance anymore. Yeah, kinda forgot the small fact that we don't really get to pick those details out when God leads someone into your life. You just have to roll with what the facts are. But really, I'm always looking for excuses for road trips and rarely come up with anything good. Now I have ample reasons. If I could just get gas prices to cooperate... So this first week has been a bit of an adjustment. And I'll be the first to admit, I didn't always make the proper, "tweakages" shall we say, with the adjustment wrench. But that's what learning is all about. There are always ways to be happy and joyful. Often, it's just a matter of forcing yourself to not to see how rough and badly to you have things, but rather how great and awesome things still are. And things are awesome and wonderful!

Hmm...some milk, and then sleep. Definitely sleep.


music: "Fix You" -- Coldplay (hey, I just have the iTunes set on random, not my fault its programming can be freakishly intuitive)